Saturday, 5 December 2009

Facebook Your Name

One of the first things everyone does on the Internet is type their name into Google. We've all done it and we've all marvelled at the John Smith who has just been arrested for DUI in Washington State and we've all felt the twinge of guilt at the Percy Manthrope who is a successful author and married to a model. However, what I did this morning, for no reason in particular, was entered my name into Facebook. Now when you do this you obviously get lists of people with your name but if you then click on Groups then you get the groups with your name and that's when it gets interesting.

So what did Dave Taylor bring up in Facebook Groups?

I am Dave Taylor
I am Dave Taylor so I can join this club. You are not Dave Taylor (unless you are) so you can't join this club (unless you can). I can but haven't. You can't (unless you can) and you want to (unless you don't want to). There are 35 members. So there either isn't many Dave Taylor's in the world or we are all stubborn buggers like me who won't join any club that would have me as a member.

Vote Dave Taylor
I come from Darlaston and someone else from Darlaston was on one of these X-Pop Idol-Strictly-Cum-On-Ice things and someone asked me if I would vote for them. I said "why?" They said, "Because he comes from Darlaston. I wouldn't vote for myself because I come from Darlaston so none of the other in-bred mouth breathers who happened to share the surrounding area of my birth will get a chance either."

Then I discovered that this is another Dave Taylor who represents Alberta Liberals. I might vote for him. Depends on his stance on free skiing trips down the EEC Butter Mountain for pensioners and if he was born in Darlaston or not. However with only five members I figure my namesake is going to have a very short political career.

Dave Taylor is a God
81 people believe that Dave Taylor is a God. How many people believe you are a God? Eh? Eh? However, as an athiest this would mean I have to not believe in the existence of Dave Taylor which therefore means that I wouldn't believe that I existed and would, no doubt, explode in a puff of logic. As a consequence I'm not thinking about it very much.

Dave Taylor is a Liar
17 people believe Dave Taylor is a liar but as 81 believe Dave is a God I'm not going to worry about it too much.

The Dave Taylor Appreciation Society
10 Members support the DTAS which, surprisingly, isn't for me but for someone who does an impression of Richard III. I just hope that's not rhyming slang.

Dave Taylor Don't Leave Us
Apparently a Dave Taylor is going to leave Hayes CC and get married. Six people are up in arms about this. I doubt they'd be bothered if they realised that it was him who urinated in the punch bowl at the Christmas meal.

Around the Room: Dave Taylor Rocks
You bet your arse I do.

Dave Taylor PLEASE BUY A SMART CAR
21 members PLEASE FUCK OFF.

Dave Taylor - The Worlds Favourite Bass Trombonist
I never knew there was a bass trombone yet I'm still slightly jealous at my namesakes skill.

Dave Taylor is gay and has no life
Only one part of that statement is true.

What Dave Taylor did next... Find Pieface and Career
I was hoping that Dave Taylor had found Pieface a career. It turns out Pieface and Dave Taylor are one and the same and Dave Taylor dropped out of uni after a week.

I really think this one is about me.

And finally...

Dave Taylor needs a swift kick in the arse
He does because he is significantly thinner than I am. Then again, this could also be about me.

So... Facebook your name and click on Groups. Don't bother telling me what came up though because I'm really not interested.

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