This man is called Dave. He is the leader of The Army of Dave. I am called Dave. Yet I am another Dave to this Dave. Don't let the similarity of names convince you we have things in common. You see, I am a simple mortal destined to be hatched, to live and then to die. Dave (pictured) is a genius.
He's a genius because if you look carefully at that picture you will either think, "He's very very tiny" or "that's a massive kit kat". The reality is, it's a massive kit kat. It's a kit kat formed from four chunkie kit kats. That is why Dave (pictured) is a genius. I could never think of that and you could never think of that unless you are Dave (pictured).
So today Dave tweeted this.
All this talk of chocolate makes me want to post a picture of MY GIANT FUCKING KITKAT!
This reminded me how much Dave (pictured) is a genius and I am not. I then concluded that Dave (pictured) could win any argument by using the line, "GIANT KITKAT". I then challenged myself to find a suitably witty and intellegent line I could use to impress Dave (pictured).
Basically I stopped working to impress a man I've never met.
Horribly the best I could come up with was:
"Dave, surely that's an argument based on a being which doesn't have in itself the full reason for its existence." GIANT KITKAT.
He came up with:
"Dave I want a divorce." GIANT KITKAT
Which is a million times better than mine. I will go off now to write, "I will not try to impress Geniuses when I've got plays to write." a thousand times, in blood, on a cracker.
As you were.